Is that it?
--------------------------------------- By Tim On Mayhem
It truly is never too late............without hogging up too much board space with a long boring tirade about myself,I will give just a few glimpses of my life in and out of training....................Lord know`s I could write a horror novel with some of the sh*t I`ve seen and done while in the throes of addiction!! LOL
I laugh now, but it was not always possiblre for me to do so.
I started training really young, but didn`t gain much, as I was the proverbial 98 pound weakling..........literally weighing 98 pounds!
I bulked up to a whopping 105 while training like Arnold and eating lot`s of junk, and about one good meal a day! LOL
Also got into powerlifting in the early 1970`s in the old AAU and did OK for a guy weighing 126 competing in the 132 pound class!
Never occured to my dumb ass to drop 3 pounds to the next class below where I would fare better competitively........all I had to do was miss a ****ing meal...........no dieting required.
Still,I always had the highest bench in every contest I entered.
Around this time I started drinking on weekends and hanging with a party crowd.Lived in the ghetto with a drunk abusive father as a role model, and criminals and jukies as friends............and soon became one myself.
Drinking escalated into a 7 day affair over time, coupled with major drug abuse.........resulting finally in intravenous drug use.........also resulting in overdosing, and being pronounced clinically dead on 3 different occasions.
Heroin,coke,crack,LSD,Mescaline ,weed,valiums,speed,........you name it I did it in excess,but the main drug of choice for me was the booze,everything else to me was just a bonus.I was now waking up daily........not that I cared if I did or not ,drinking vodka or cheap wine, instead of coffee..... just to be able to function.
Lost everything many times over,and I do mean everything,girlfriends,friends,wives,jobs,personal relationships,even a place to live.........hey you sell all you own at times to get high or drunk, and only care about rent later when you`re out in the snow at 1AM with nowhere to go..............most importantly I lost my self respect and any self-esteem I might have had,though there was very little thanks to dear old dad!! LOL
Slept in doorways,on floors,pooltables,and in the dirt...............ate whatever I could steal at times!
Every time I hit bottom I thought about going back to the gym and getting my sh*t together as it always seemed if I was training,I was doing good.
Tried to train many times but never lasted more than a day,week,or a year at a time before I hit the booze again.
In essence I drank 7 days a week around the clock,except for these brief periods where I would train and eat good............this I beleive,kept me alive as I know 80-100 people I used to hang with that died in some way due to drugs and or booze........whether shot and killed,stabbed,OD`ed,liver failure,car accidents,or suicide,I am lucky to be here....and I thank God daily!
At 39 years old with no future,I knew that it was finally time to stop.........not that I didn`t try in the past but due to my chronic depression,and other psychological issues,it was damn near impossible to do so at times.
All I could envision was me sleeping in the park at 60 years old eating at a soup kitchen......which I had already done...........not fun,especially in the snow.......I felt like ****ing Aqualung at times!!
I actually thought that everyone lived like I did,that`s how far out of touch with reality I was......my only mission during the day was to get ****ed up bigtime......and I would brag about my drinking prowess like a damned fool!
Anyway,I decided at 39 to committ myself to training again and to compete once again.
I did one contest in 1987, and I got fourth place, after I lost any size I ever had..........Jeff King presented me with my trophy, and it was my proudest moment to this day, as he looked at me and said while shaking my hand while present the trophy to me..........."Thank God for muscle memory huh Wes"?
I almost lost it, but I felt really good hearing this from King who I really looked up to.
Moved to Florida in `93, got into AA after much reluctance, joined several gym`s, and started on the long road back!!
Now I did **** up at times, and drank some more, but kind of kept it in check..........now I don`t pick up a drink at all.........you could hold a gun to my head and you`d have to shoot me to make me take even a sip of booze.
I now have 46 trophies.........41 of them acquired since 1995 on.
It was always my goal as a kid to place in the Mr. America contest by the time I was 26........ but that didn`t happen ........if it could have happened,I doubt it,but I do have two trophies from the NPC Masters Nationals and I`ll be going for my third one this year as I turn 50!!
Life is hard having to face reality daily, as my drinking was a form of escapism, but I wouldn`t change the reality of one day, for my former existance......... for even a split second!!
So you can always come back..........but you gotta` want to,in my case it was truly a case of do or die!
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