Post by RUBICON19 on Feb 6, 2006 16:50:27 GMT -5
THE BALLAD OF "SKINNY"
Not a long time ago, to a gym close to here,
Where guys don't shave their legs, and they have the odd beer,
Where they squat and they tug and they bench unabated,
And their hunger for power can never be sated,
A skinny boy ventured, one goal in his sights:
To wrest from those giants the secret of might.
As he stepped throught the doorway, Skinny's little head spun,
For there were no greased posers a'flexing their guns,
No rip'ling abdominals, no cuts and striations,
Just big slabs of muscle, borne of dedication.
Exhortations lanced clouds of chalk dust in the air
As a beast of a man noticed Skinny-boy's stare.
Brobdingnagian barbells were smashin' and crashin'
As several behemoths indulged in their passion,
But Skinny-boy had no choice but to ignore 'em:
His view was blocked by the man coming toward him.
Barrel-chested he was, and broad-shouldered; the ground
Had to strain to support his three-hundred-plus pounds,
Plumes of powder cascaded from legs like twin oaks,
And thick layers of chalk coated hands that could choke
The life from a Brahma, should this man decide to,
Instead, he just pointed and said: "Who are YOU?!"
The boy nearly fled, so intense was his fear,
Still, he managed to stammer out: "Sir, I am here
'Cause I want to be big, but Joe Weider's stuff's crap!
I've read all his magazines, heard his gums flap
about 'Victory Products' and 'Vitamin Paks',
I've tried 'em, but feel that I'm on the wrong track!
So please tell me, sir, just what am I to do?
What means will it take to get ME big as YOU?"
The titan just glared as he watched the boy quake,
Hooked his thumbs in a belt it took two cows to make,
Then he bellowed out laughter that shook the four walls,
And, patting a gut like a big wrecking ball,
"Of guts you have plenty", he said, "but we'll see
How badly you want it when you train with ME!"
O'er the following months, Skinny trained with the beast,
By day he knew pain, while at night he did feast,
His bodymass grew at phenomenal rates,
While the iron on his back more than tripled in weight,
His little legs swelled, his arms strained his sleeves,
And the bigger he got, the more weight he could heave.
When he had the odd bad day, his strength feeling sapped,
His Grizzly Bear partner helped out with a slap,
Or a grim ultimatum: "SKINNY!", he was told,
"HAUL IT UP OR I'LL KICK YOUR ASS OUT IN THE COLD!!!"
So haul it he did, for he knew well by then,
That this was how you trained when you trained with MEN.
A year or two later, while lifting with Griz,
Big Skinny was fixin' to get down to biz.
He'd benched a few reps with enough to get warm,
When he felt a rough poke on his twenty-inch arm.
Skinny turned to see Grizzly Bear point o'er his shoulder,
(which flanked his big head like a great granite boulder)
'Cross the gym at the doorway, where, staring eyes wide,
A nervous young man had poked his head inside.
The little guy crept in, then sidled and swerved
To a dark, sheltered corner from which to observe.
Skinny turned back to Grizzly, who said: "Well, you've learned
Everything I can teach you, and now it's YOUR turn!
So get your ass over there, give him your best!"
Then Griz swatted Skinny's thick, bulletproof chest.
When Skinny stomped over, o'er the young man to loom,
I'll be damned if that freak didn't fill up the room,
And as Grizzly had done for him some time before,
He would help this new Skinny to be skinny no more.
__________________
Not a long time ago, to a gym close to here,
Where guys don't shave their legs, and they have the odd beer,
Where they squat and they tug and they bench unabated,
And their hunger for power can never be sated,
A skinny boy ventured, one goal in his sights:
To wrest from those giants the secret of might.
As he stepped throught the doorway, Skinny's little head spun,
For there were no greased posers a'flexing their guns,
No rip'ling abdominals, no cuts and striations,
Just big slabs of muscle, borne of dedication.
Exhortations lanced clouds of chalk dust in the air
As a beast of a man noticed Skinny-boy's stare.
Brobdingnagian barbells were smashin' and crashin'
As several behemoths indulged in their passion,
But Skinny-boy had no choice but to ignore 'em:
His view was blocked by the man coming toward him.
Barrel-chested he was, and broad-shouldered; the ground
Had to strain to support his three-hundred-plus pounds,
Plumes of powder cascaded from legs like twin oaks,
And thick layers of chalk coated hands that could choke
The life from a Brahma, should this man decide to,
Instead, he just pointed and said: "Who are YOU?!"
The boy nearly fled, so intense was his fear,
Still, he managed to stammer out: "Sir, I am here
'Cause I want to be big, but Joe Weider's stuff's crap!
I've read all his magazines, heard his gums flap
about 'Victory Products' and 'Vitamin Paks',
I've tried 'em, but feel that I'm on the wrong track!
So please tell me, sir, just what am I to do?
What means will it take to get ME big as YOU?"
The titan just glared as he watched the boy quake,
Hooked his thumbs in a belt it took two cows to make,
Then he bellowed out laughter that shook the four walls,
And, patting a gut like a big wrecking ball,
"Of guts you have plenty", he said, "but we'll see
How badly you want it when you train with ME!"
O'er the following months, Skinny trained with the beast,
By day he knew pain, while at night he did feast,
His bodymass grew at phenomenal rates,
While the iron on his back more than tripled in weight,
His little legs swelled, his arms strained his sleeves,
And the bigger he got, the more weight he could heave.
When he had the odd bad day, his strength feeling sapped,
His Grizzly Bear partner helped out with a slap,
Or a grim ultimatum: "SKINNY!", he was told,
"HAUL IT UP OR I'LL KICK YOUR ASS OUT IN THE COLD!!!"
So haul it he did, for he knew well by then,
That this was how you trained when you trained with MEN.
A year or two later, while lifting with Griz,
Big Skinny was fixin' to get down to biz.
He'd benched a few reps with enough to get warm,
When he felt a rough poke on his twenty-inch arm.
Skinny turned to see Grizzly Bear point o'er his shoulder,
(which flanked his big head like a great granite boulder)
'Cross the gym at the doorway, where, staring eyes wide,
A nervous young man had poked his head inside.
The little guy crept in, then sidled and swerved
To a dark, sheltered corner from which to observe.
Skinny turned back to Grizzly, who said: "Well, you've learned
Everything I can teach you, and now it's YOUR turn!
So get your ass over there, give him your best!"
Then Griz swatted Skinny's thick, bulletproof chest.
When Skinny stomped over, o'er the young man to loom,
I'll be damned if that freak didn't fill up the room,
And as Grizzly had done for him some time before,
He would help this new Skinny to be skinny no more.
__________________
until I got the courage up to join a good bodybuilding gym- all the guys there were supportive from day one.. while I'm not yet the MONSTER I intend to be, I'm bigger and look a hell of alot better.