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Post by Tim Wescott on May 25, 2006 12:07:46 GMT -5
In 2001,I did the New England BB contest,a friend of mine Barry Boccasile,a national level competitors mother had died just 2 weeks earlier.
Barry dedicated the contest to her memory, and he won the Masaters division, and took 4th. in the Heavies..............he was visibly shaken, and his father saw him win it,he told me afterward that his mom would have been proud, and it was his most satisfying win.
Massiv,vent all you want bro......stay strong ,as was said,we are all here for you,and we are all behind you .
God bless.
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Post by sunshineslynn on May 25, 2006 12:29:02 GMT -5
Oh honey, I am very sorry for your sadness. I have been where you are and just know that we are here for ya. Vent , scream, cry, do what ever it takes to make it through.
Warm huggs and thoughts for you.
Sheri
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tawiii
Novice Bodybuilder
Posts: 168
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Post by tawiii on May 25, 2006 18:37:33 GMT -5
Sorry to hear of your loss massiv! The loss of a loved one is something that you never seem to be able to fully prepare yourself for. When we took my mother off the ventilator, it nearly crushed me. I can still see her laying there looking at me. It's tough, but you'll work through it.
There's probably a million things going through your head right now, and many of them things that you think you could have done better. Just remember, to your father, you did do them better.
Again, Sorry for your loss.
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Post by Massiv on May 26, 2006 7:46:04 GMT -5
Thank you for all of your replies. They have meant the world to me. It is true, I have been reflecting about my past with my father every moment of the day since he past. All I can do is remember the good times. I feel much better, but still sad to the bone. Again thank you all.
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Post by chanman83 on May 26, 2006 9:54:39 GMT -5
Massiv, I'm terribly sorry for your loss. I hope things go well for you and at Tim said, dedicate the show to your father. As many said.. vent away. We all got your back.
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Post by masterschamp on May 26, 2006 11:16:22 GMT -5
Massiv,
You have my heartfelt sorrow.....the best thing you can now do to honor your father is live the remainder of your life in a way that would have made him proud!
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Post by vindog on May 27, 2006 7:34:27 GMT -5
Our Prayers go out to You My Friend.
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Post by Massiv on May 30, 2006 21:48:14 GMT -5
Sorry, I must vent again. Made arrangements for the funeral today. it will be Friday for the viewing and Saturday for the actual funeral. My wife ran to her parents today to visit them, because it was her father's birthday. I told her to go and spend as much time with them as she can. that left me pretty darn alone. So I started looking at pictures and found several of my dad and me. I have been so emotional for the last 45 minutes. Crying uncontrollably. Damn it. I miss him. I really don't have anyone now. Some of you have lost both parents and know what I am speaking of. It is like a part of you just vanished. I am so very sad. I am one of those few people that don't open up when others are present. So now that I am alone. Boy did it hit hard. When dieting this hard, it sure seems that everything is magnified times 10. 15 minutes before I get my bed time shake. I was watching According to Jim on TV and it just started flooding out. Then I started looking at old hunting pictures and it has been non stop. Holy sh*t, da*n, f**k. I just want to scream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I truly miss my dad and mom so badly. They were my biggest fans. My mom and dad came to every football game that I played through Junior High, High School and College. Every Powerlifting contest, every bodybuilding contest. They were always there. When mom passed, dad was still there cheering away. Now, I can just hear them in my head, like distant echo's. I feel lost and alone. I knew where to come. Here. I hope someone is out there. Anyone?
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Post by beckie on May 30, 2006 23:49:08 GMT -5
(((((HUG)))))) We are all here for you-I cannot imagine losing my parents but I know it is inevitable given they are both in their late 70's. Its good that you can express your feelings no matter how bad you feel right now because alot of guys can't.
Do whatever you have to do to get through this week.
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Post by sunshineslynn on May 31, 2006 0:27:01 GMT -5
I wish I could make it better for you. Please know that we are here for you mentally and I am sure we all wish we could be there to help you. I am sure it must be hard but don't loose sight of what your dad would like to see you do. If you have to scream scream get it out, go punch a punching bag. Get mad and scream again. I know that is what I did I through a T total tantrum. It help so much to get some of the hurt I felt.
Hugggggggssss.......
S
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musclegrl
Novice Bodybuilder
I found it!!
Posts: 30
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Post by musclegrl on May 31, 2006 2:08:30 GMT -5
I saw your post and I just had to come back to tell you that the people here care. Yes, you came to the right place... this is a good place and you go ahead and vent. You are not alone.
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Post by Tim Wescott on May 31, 2006 6:40:19 GMT -5
Massiv,it was very sad to read your post.......I lost my mother very suddenly when she had just turned 50 years old..........too damn young!!
She was my best friend, and it took me years to accept the fact that she was gone.
All the guilty feelings of what I could have done to be a better son while she was still alive haunted me.
My father is also gone,which was a little easier to deal with for me,but still no picnic obviously.
I tried booze as a means to drown my sorrow, as I drank a lot back in those days, but it just made things worse as it always does......after a while, I decided that I wasn`t such a bad son to either of them,and that helped a bit, then I decided that I still had to be here,even if they weren`t, so I had to just try to continue to move forward and live my life.
This took me years to do.....very long story, but bottom line is to just remember the good times with them, and try to take it one day at a time.
I`m one of those guys that takes things like this very hard, and I don`t do too well under circumstances like the ones you`re dealing with right now.
It gets a little easier over time, but you`ll never forget them......................not a day goes by where I don`t think of my mother,and she`s been gone quite a while now.
You are in the middle of the hardest part of it all,at the moment,let it out and grieve in your own way,it`s never good to hold in your sorrow.
Good luck bud,you`ll pull through,and cherish all the good memories you had with both your parents.
You are not ever truly alone, as you have your wife and friends to comfort you in times like this,and all the people here also.
Stay strong brother.......one minute at a time if need be!!
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Post by Massiv on May 31, 2006 7:26:18 GMT -5
Thank you for all of your responses. I made it through the night. I am at work now and we will move on to this day. You gotta do what you gotta do. Sincerely thank you and it meant alot to me for you to say your kind words. We will make it through this, one minute at a time.
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Post by GerryT on May 31, 2006 9:17:01 GMT -5
Seems like you're a survivor. We all have to be. I've drawn tremendous inspiration from you and Tim.
None of us have easy paths. But we have to move on and keep going. And we have the memories and spirits of our loved ones to help us along.
Stay well and strong, bro.
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Post by mrky03 on May 31, 2006 19:47:39 GMT -5
Massiv, so sorry to hear of your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you brother. I can't imagine your pain, hang in there, things will get better in time.
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Post by northwatch619 on Jun 1, 2006 21:01:36 GMT -5
Thinking of you during this difficult time.
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Post by bodyfx on Jun 1, 2006 22:35:39 GMT -5
I am so sorry as well. You and your family are in my prayers. Stay strong and do what you know is right in your heart and soul. I am sure your father can still see you now, and is proud as hell of you.
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redline
Novice Bodybuilder
Posts: 21
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Post by redline on Jun 2, 2006 11:06:12 GMT -5
Massiv, I am new to this board but I already know a lot of memebrs so I feel like I just stepped into an extended family. I truly feel for you in this time. I lost my father unexpectedly when I was 19. The feelings are hard to deal with, there are so many and they come over you at the most unexpected times like flashes of lightning. The happiy thoughts are quickly taken over by sad thoughts of loss, regret, guilt, etc, then the happy thoughts of good times, happy days, healthy days, serious learning conversations takeover again. It will be an emotional rollercoaster for you for a while.
My only advice is one that you seem to already be practicing. Live your life in a manner to which you know your father would be proud. Remember the motivation, the support, and the knowledge he gave you to continue down your life path. Be happy with the awareness of a great relationship you had with your father that so many people in life long for.
Good luck to you and your pursuits.
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Post by Massiv on Jun 3, 2006 21:41:57 GMT -5
Fellow board members. You all have been so wonderful during this time of difficulty in my life. It was made much easier with all of you responding. I just got home from the funeral and it went well. It was a beautiful service and graveside service. I had quite a release during the service, but I feel much better. Thank all of you for every kind word. They all meant something special to me.
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Post by beckie on Jun 4, 2006 0:51:06 GMT -5
I am glad it went well and that you are now more at peace. I was thinking of you today(Saturday US time).
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