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Post by BigMikeReed on Jan 24, 2007 16:46:15 GMT -5
Hello guys:
I learned yesterday that the 2 year old son of a good buddy of mine passed away unexpectedly Friday night. I learned via a email from him. No prior health problems and they don't know or haven't shared what the cause was. I replied back and told him the usual things everyone says- sorry for your loss, prayers are with you, let me know if I can help, etc. etc. Beyond that is there anything else? Being a father myself I cannot fathom how it must feel to lose your child. Just thinking of how badly my buddy feels is difficult and I can't really function well today.
My wife and I will be attending the funeral and burial this Saturday.
The last funeral I attended was a few years ago- a college age son of a coworker of mine took his own life in his college dorm. These things are so upsetting to me when it's young adults or children.
Has anyone here dealt with this? If you were the person that lost your small child, what was helpful?
Sorry for the downer post- I just want some input.
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Post by gti steve on Jan 24, 2007 17:11:31 GMT -5
I am sorry for your friends loss. Being 23, I do not have a family but have experienced death in the family. Its very upsetting and your friends will be in my prayers.
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Post by Rich on Jan 24, 2007 17:27:42 GMT -5
There's nothing you can do to make the pain go away. Not a thing. But in times of serious trauma, the presence of a friend helps immensely. Things like showing up with food, or just being there to listen. Or not being there, if alone is what they want. The only thing I think one needs to keep in mind is that your friend won't be able to ask you for anything, nor will he be able to say yes or no to anything you offer. You basically just have to do it, and be sensitive to times when the family needs to be alone.
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Post by sapphire on Jan 24, 2007 17:38:53 GMT -5
I had a good friend who had a young son who passed away at 6 years old. He had been fighting cancer since he was two. The death was not unexpected, he had accepted the fact before he died. This is different. They are in total shock. All you can do is be there for him, don't treat him differently and don't avoid him. Be his friend.
I am so sorry for the loss, I will pray for them.
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Post by tiffany on Jan 24, 2007 18:20:46 GMT -5
When I moved to the town I now live in I made friends with a couple who had a son the same age as my first born. We then became pregnant with our second child at the same time and even ended up in the hospital delivering only a few hours apart. Our kids spent a lot of time together and were the best of friends. About a year later her first born was rushed to the local hospital and died that night of a brain aneurysm. All we cloud do was be there for them, grieve with them, be strong when they needed us to be strong and cry with them when they needed to cry. You know your friend best and no matter what you do, just being there for him and his wife will mean the world to him.
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Post by youngblood on Jan 24, 2007 18:52:32 GMT -5
A friend of mine just told me about an traffic jam he was stuck in, as a result of a car accident on I-80 this weekend. Said he saw helicopters and stuff airlifting people out and the coroner was there declaring etc... Get to the gym the next day, and turns out the accident involved a former members daughter (one that I'd known). She had been kicked out for being too obnoxious, but I had seen her train her 16 year old daughter there a number of times. The daughter, all of 16 years old, was killed in the accident my friend was stuck in.  I've never had a direct incident happen like this, so I can't say what I would/wouldn't do. I can only imagine how painful it is at times, and when it hits you at the most awkward of times. |
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Post by mrky03 on Jan 24, 2007 19:34:41 GMT -5
My brother just lost his first born child last thursday. His wife was almost 4 months pregnant and went into labor prematurely. They are devastated, they were looking so forward to having this baby. I didn't know what to say or do. They had a small memorial service for him. He was a perfect little boy, if he had a few more months he might have had a chance. I feel so sorry for them.
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Post by Karrie on Jan 24, 2007 20:44:04 GMT -5
I lost 3 babies in a year and a half before I had my daughter almost 5 yrs ago and it was DEVASTATING every single time. There really are no words to help ease the pain BUT just letting them know you are here for them is VERY important. Praying of course is ALWAYS a wonderful thing to do. I remember people would say the STUPIDEST things....meaning to be helpful but was just the opposite. I had this "At least the baby is in heaven" of course true but I wanted my babies to be with me not in heaven.....there were days I wanted to put a note on my back that read "What NOT to say to me today." So, basically, do not say a whole lot, except let them know you are there and call to check on them.
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Post by RUBICON19 on Jan 24, 2007 21:14:51 GMT -5
Wow. I am very sorry about all of these things. Big Mike, I agree with Rich. Just be yourself and be ope for them
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Post by GerryT on Jan 25, 2007 13:07:15 GMT -5
Sorry for everyone here and their losses. Mike, very tough situation and I know that the presence of you and your wife will help a lot. Actions can be even more comforting than words.
There is nothing worse than losing a child. Mentioned before that my wife and our son died in accident several years ago. He had just turned 16, and it still seems like yesterday. the wounds heal, but they leave scars that never go away. Good memories are very
sustaining.
God must need angels badly when he takes babies and children to be with Him. Again, my condolences.
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Post by Tim Wescott on Jan 25, 2007 13:10:56 GMT -5
Very sorry to hear about this Mike and Joel.
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Post by BigMikeReed on Jan 25, 2007 22:55:59 GMT -5
Sorry for everyone here and their losses. Mike, very tough situation and I know that the presence of you and your wife will help a lot. Actions can be even more comforting than words. There is nothing worse than losing a child. Mentioned before that my wife and our son died in accident several years ago. He had just turned 16, and it still seems like yesterday. the wounds heal, but they leave scars that never go away. Good memories are very sustaining. God must need angels badly when he takes babies and children to be with Him. Again, my condolences. Thanks for your thoughts Gerry. I did think of you when I heard this news. I believe that there must me nothing worse. |
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Post by BigMikeReed on Jan 25, 2007 22:57:16 GMT -5
Everyone:
Thank you for all of your thoughts, input and condolensces. YOu've all given me ideas on how to help my buddy.
THanks
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Post by BigMikeReed on Jan 28, 2007 9:43:58 GMT -5
Well guys, I attended the funeral yesterday. It was VERY tough for everyone there but we were there for my buddy so that's what counted. It was a catholic service. Since there had been a viewing the night before (which I did not go to), I was not prepared to walk into the entrance area before the sanctuary and find the open casket of the little boy. This was tough to see and yet peaceful in some way.
I appreciate all your advice as my buddy seemed to be getting some benefit for all of his friends being there. He also has a great wife, 2 sets on inlaws and brothers. He'll be ok.
Mike
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Post by RUBICON19 on Jan 28, 2007 15:20:49 GMT -5
Well guys, I attended the funeral yesterday. It was VERY tough for everyone there but we were there for my buddy so that's what counted. It was a catholic service. Since there had been a viewing the night before (which I did not go to), I was not prepared to walk into the entrance area before the sanctuary and find the open casket of the little boy. This was tough to see and yet peaceful in some way. I appreciate all your advice as my buddy seemed to be getting some benefit for all of his friends being there. He also has a great wife, 2 sets on inlaws and brothers. He'll be ok. Mike Very sad day Mike. Glad things went as well as thy could. |
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Post by mrbeefy on Jan 28, 2007 19:31:13 GMT -5
The bewilderment and pain that death causes by the death of an infant is beyond our human understanding. I offer my support, and prayers along with the rest of this community on your loss.
This innocent child has gone before us to a better world, filled with peace and everlasting happiness, and one day you will be reunited in joy.
Your participation is a sign to your friend of the presence of One who is greater than all of us, who embraces little children, wept at the death of a friend, and endured the seperation of death in order to render it powerless of those He loves.
Know that this child is part of His plan in a new creation, where tears and death will have no place.
May the love and peace of God bless and console you, and gently wipe every tear from your eyes. +
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