Post by RUBICON19 on Apr 7, 2008 13:21:53 GMT -5
This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior citizensubmitted to Wal-Mart in Arkansas, They hired him because he was so funny.....
NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Old bast*rd) SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one whowill cooperate)
DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. Butseriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky,I wouldn't beapplying here in the first place
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitzstyle severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we canhaggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens andpost-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS? Yes, but they're better suited to amore intimate environment
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER? If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROMLIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.? Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR? I think the more appropriate question here would be"Do you have a car that runs?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION? I may already bea winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, or so they tellme.
DO YOU SMOKE? On the job - no! On my breaks - yes!
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS? Living in the Bahamaswith a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I'mthe greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doingthat now.
NEAREST RELATIVE ....7 miles
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOURKNOWLEDGE? Oh yes, absolutely.
***Old People Rock! ***
NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Old bast*rd) SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one whowill cooperate)
DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. Butseriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky,I wouldn't beapplying here in the first place
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitzstyle severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we canhaggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens andpost-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS? Yes, but they're better suited to amore intimate environment
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER? If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROMLIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.? Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR? I think the more appropriate question here would be"Do you have a car that runs?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION? I may already bea winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, or so they tellme.
DO YOU SMOKE? On the job - no! On my breaks - yes!
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS? Living in the Bahamaswith a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I'mthe greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doingthat now.
NEAREST RELATIVE ....7 miles
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOURKNOWLEDGE? Oh yes, absolutely.
***Old People Rock! ***
