Ok...am I an idiot?

[mrbeefy]

Don't answer too quick....

This is my rant about the upcoming weekend, family, etc. So please bear with me a moment.

I have an opportunity for a 5 day weekend. I'd love to spend it alone with my wife someplace. There is a big PL Meet in North Carolina, that I offerred to take her to to watch, because we have a lot of friends competing there. Now, the problem.

Problem #1 ~ My wife's sister (62 years old) lost her job and her house and wants to look for an apartment. She's been dragging her feet for over a year and now wants my wife to go look at apartments with her THIS weekend.

Problem #2 ~ My daughter has seperated from her husband and they are talking divorce. My daughter (29 years old) is struggling with money (lots of bad choices on her part). There are 3 children involved. My wife wants to do something with them THIS weekend because she knows that their parents won't.

Problem #3 ~ When I suggested going away for the weekend, my called me a few "not nice" names, and told me I was being insensative. She feels she needs to help her (idiot) sister, and that the grandchildren only have us to rely on right now.

I feel like crawling back in bed and just sleeping until Tuesday, because I feel I have nothing to look forward to.

All I can think of is the song, "What About Me?", where some of the words are, " what about me, it isn't fair, I've done my part, now I want my share, can't you see, that they take more than I can give".

I know, I know... I can justify all kinds of ways to approach this.
Do the family thing, keep peace, etc.

But my thoughts are that we could sure use a little break right now too.

So...Im I being an idiot?

[GerryT]

Looks like a many faceted situation, Frank. You and Bernie are both right in wanting to do what each of you wants to do.

Would it possible to split the weekend, and go somewhere with Bernie for a couple days (if not the meet then somewhere else)and be with the family the rest of it? Many times compromise works out. My wife and I did a lot of it.

Bernie might not be fully into a long weekend if the family is on her mind and she is worried about them. Frank, you are not an idiot, but talk with Bernie and work it out somehow.

Good luck, brother.

[mrbeefy]

Thanks Gerry.
Somehow I knew you would be the one to respond
And...thanks for affirming I'm not being an idiot!

You are correct. Compromise and flexibility is the key.

It just gets "old" really fast sometimes!

Or...I could go to Las Vegas by myself.....I'm sure I could find "something" to do to relax

[fit]

Perhaps find out how much of the time Bernie needs you for and give in to that; the mother-daughter bond is pretty sacrosanct.

But also use that knowledge to budget time for yourself. COuld be that your and bernie's injuries have her not wanting to think about lifting right now?

But maybe you can just get away on your own even if it's just going to a movie, taking a ride, etc?

Alternatively, try to set time for just the two of you for further down the road.

Third option- be spontaneous this weekend. Let the family stuff play out but take advantage of any free windows that might pop up (grab a quick dinner, pizza and a DVD, etc).

Random thoughts.

[Rich]

Frank my friend, I can not presume to tell you what is right or wrong. I WILL say that people want what they want. It's not a case of whether or not you are being an idiot. You are being you. Bernie is being Bernie, and it's as simple as that. This happens all the time in marriages, as you know.

My only advice is, whatever you both decide to do ... do it with all your heart. Otherwise someone is going to spend the time being resentful and that energy will spoil it for all involved.

[GerryT]

Terrific and sensible advice, Chris and Rich.

Frank, keep us posted and hope Bernie is recovering well from the surgery. Blessings to you both, brother.