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Post by BigMikeReed on Sept 19, 2008 15:16:31 GMT -5
Ok guys.. I found something out about a kid at my gym recently that really has me upset. I don't think it's any of my business but I am kinda beside myself with concern. It's going to be a situation that may make a few of you here uncomfortable but I don't really know who else to turn to for advice. You guys are kind of my family away from my family so I wanted to ask you.
So here is the deal. There is a kid at my gym--- I'd say about 20-22 years old, works out religiously and honestly by the looks of him has a great future in the sport if he sticks with it.
I recently discovered that this kid is earning money through unsafe and dangerous means. Unsafe due to possibility of disease, and dangerous in that oftentimes people doing the things he does end up beat up or dead. You guys can guess what I'm talking about.
I talked over it with my wife for quite a while and we came to the decision that it really isn't a situaion to get involved in. TOday I'm struggling because I feel so badly for this kid- wasting his life away and doing something that can only end in disaster. I feel like approaching him about it but don't know if/when/how, etc.. Id' like to almost give him a talk like I would to my own kid about how bad what he's doing is.
What would you guys do?
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Post by Intensity on Sept 19, 2008 17:58:38 GMT -5
Mike, I think that it depends of the kind of relationship you have with the kid. If you usually don't even talk to him, I'm not sure you're the right person to help... but if you know you can approach him and be seen as a friend, it's a lot different
But one thing is for sure, if I would talk to him, I'd make sure not to use a moralizer approach but just have a friendly discussion about the whole situation. So no judgement at all...
Just do what you FEEL is the best Mike... you can't be wrong.
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Post by BigMikeReed on Sept 19, 2008 18:04:21 GMT -5
Mike, I think that it depends of the kind of relationship you have with the kid. If you usually don't even talk to him, I'm not sure you're the right person to help... but if you know you can approach him and be seen as a friend, it's a lot different But one thing is for sure, if I would talk to him, I'd make sure not to use a moralizer approach but just have a friendly discussion about the whole situation. So no judgement at all... Just do what you FEEL is the best Mike... you can't be wrong. Thanks for you response- this is truly a "first" situation for me and never imagined I would even know anyone that has this type of thing going. I certainly would not use a moral arguement- whatever the desperation this guy has to do this type of thing is definately an issue that I don't know the answer to. I know others would judge him -- he is actually a really nice kid from the few conversations I've had with him. It's just a sad situation. Thanks again for responding man. |
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Post by GerryT on Sept 20, 2008 14:08:04 GMT -5
Mike, I agree with Mo. Even if you know him well enough, be careful how you approach him. It is a sensitive issue, and he could become defensive about it. Many do not like unsolicited advice. We cannot solve everyone's troubles, but of course I understand your concern. I would be also.
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Post by Rich on Sept 20, 2008 15:42:31 GMT -5
I work with kids every day. I can tell you one thing about them that is basically true in all situations .... they don't want to hear it. I have the most success with kids who I want to help by just developing a judgment-free relationship with them first. My approach is very honest and simple. I like you, I respect you, I care about what you have to say and I'm a good listener. The trick is you have to mean it. It's not a game, and it's not a manipulation. In any case, what happens is you develop a relationship based on respect and trust. As that evolves, many will start to look at you as a role model, and THEN begin to value your opinion. Never offer it unsolicited, and never paint things in black and white. Whatever drove this guy to do what he's doing is significant, and isn't going to be undone by a 10 minute lecture from the guy that owns the gym where he trains. However it CAN be undone by him developing a real mentor-type relationship with someone like you. It takes time, lots of patience, and a willingness to accept setbacks. Just my 2 cents. Sorry that it was a bit long-winded and perhaps preachy.  |
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Post by mrbeefy on Sept 20, 2008 21:06:13 GMT -5
BMR~
I just typed a full page, response, went to send, and it crashed out! Ahhhhhh I hate computers sometimes!
I will PM you my phone number. Please give me a call tomorrow evening (Sunday), I'd be happy to discuss it with you!
Frank
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Post by masterschamp on Sept 22, 2008 11:02:14 GMT -5
Mike,
Your concern is admirable, but I really don't think you should say anything. As a Guidance Counselor for 26 years now,I agree with alot of what Rich had said. If you had a good, established, relationship with him it might be different. Why he has chosen that path, who knows? BUT....he chose it. He's 20-22. Far different than if he was 15. If it's what he really wants to do to earn his money, then it's nobody else's business, unless legal issues would arise from the activity. Then it would be a matter for law enforcement. Let it go....
Keith
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Post by BigMikeReed on Sept 22, 2008 11:04:57 GMT -5
Mike, Your concern is admirable, but I really don't think you should say anything. As a Guidance Counselor for 26 years now,I agree with alot of what Rich had said. If you had a good, established, relationship with him it might be different. Why he has chosen that path, who knows? BUT....he chose it. He's 20-22. Far different than if he was 15. If it's what he really wants to do to earn his money, then it's nobody else's business, unless legal issues would arise from the activity. Then it would be a matter for law enforcement. Let it go.... Keith Thanks for the advice Keith. I will just have to learn that I can't save the world. You gotta take care of your own family and yourself first. Sad but true I suppose. |
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Post by masterschamp on Sept 22, 2008 11:08:07 GMT -5
Mike, Your concern is admirable, but I really don't think you should say anything. As a Guidance Counselor for 26 years now,I agree with alot of what Rich had said. If you had a good, established, relationship with him it might be different. Why he has chosen that path, who knows? BUT....he chose it. He's 20-22. Far different than if he was 15. If it's what he really wants to do to earn his money, then it's nobody else's business, unless legal issues would arise from the activity. Then it would be a matter for law enforcement. Let it go.... Keith Thanks for the advice Keith. I will just have to learn that I can't save the world. You gotta take care of your own family and yourself first. Sad but true I suppose. Mike......you nailed it. If everyone would just REALLY take good care of their own families, think how much better this place would be. |
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Post by mrbeefy on Sept 22, 2008 12:51:29 GMT -5
BMR:
Ditto to Keith's advice.
I would only add one caveat.
If you are concerned enough to help someone, and if he/she is an imminent danger to themselves or someone else, some would say you have a moral obligation to involve the authorities, either straight up or anonomously.
For example, if I were counseling someone, and if they disclaimed that they were entertaining suicidal thoughts, that is something outisde of my realm of expertise, and I would be dialing 911.
I would rather have them pissed off at me than dead.
Just something to think about and perhaps put into perspective.
Best of luck on whatever you decide.
Frank
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