sharing thoughts about my dad

[mrbeefy]

Thanks Ger....appreciate all your thoughts and prayers.

All just part of lifes journeys, and a plan that's greater than ours!

peace my brother!!!

Frank

[cuts280]

What's the latest updates on your dad mrbeefy??

[mrbeefy]

Rich....thank you for asking!

Placed him in a nursing facility with hospice care on Friday.

He is able to take in a little more nutrition, so he did "perk-up" a bit. MD's are saying it's still just a matter of time.

My sister, who lives in San Antonio flew in for the week to see him. Then of course...family politics kicked in on where she would stay, etc.

THEN...she asked me to pay for her plane tickets, saying her money was a a little tight right now! Wish she would have asked before she left Texas! I am the baby of 4 kids.

and the saga continues!

[mrbeefy]

Really bad attitude today about this whole thing about my father. My wife has decided to become freaking mother theresea and visit the nursing home every night with my sister, and then she spent the entire weekend working on cleaning my fathers apartment, took time off to pick up my other sister from the airport, and NOW is taking two days off from work, to finish cleaning out his apartment.

NOW...I know this can be viewed as, "Awww, isn't that nice of her!" NO...it's B.S.!

Most of my siblings are assho__! My father has always treated me AND my wife like crap. He/They do not deserve any of this, and it WILL all come back to bite me, and MY WIFE, in the butt!
Basically, is she being nice, yea probably, but arethey also taking advantage of her........most definatley!!!

Sister flies in from Texas, and expects me to pay for her airline tickets too. Anyways...I need to stop typing now, because this just infuriates me more and more when I think about it!

I should probably just start drinking heavily.

[Mystic79]

I want to share some personal thoughts with ya man;

Everybody sins, everybody makes mistakes. If nobody forgave each other then we'd all be hating EVERYBODY. We're all fallible imperfect beings, however we all have good in us as well. Sometimes though we look at how big their sin is against us and say "no way they deserve to be treated good after that, etc.", but the beauty of Christ is that He forgives us no matter WHAT our sins are.

Maybe your wife is finding peace through caring for a him, Frank. I mean it's difficult and I'm sure she knows that he treated her badly in the past. Jealousy, anger, resentment all create conflict within us and take us away from the innate love that God has given to EACH person. Let's say for example your wife takes the opposite approach and wants nothing to do with him, then there would be less of a chance your father will ever feel sorry for what he's done. So, rather than chastise him, your wife may be showing him love, which is more likely to open his heart.

Love is not easy Frank. It can seem easy when things go well, or when other people are nice to us, but it's ONLY when we are challenged and must love someone UNCONDITIONALLY, when our love is put to the test. I think of the workout analogy you told me a few weeks ago about how a sword must be hammered away, and go through hell to find heaven, and become a strong blade. I feel our heart is the same way.

[mrbeefy]

Thanks Jay,

Of course....in the world of common sense, you're right. But in the world of chaos that we live, sometimes all the "rules" don't apply.

Perhaps that is why a sword has two edges.......

I once asked my wife when her parents were sick..."If your parents were in a boat with us, and the boat sank, would you try to save your parents, or me?"

She of course said, "Her parents".

So much for scripture..."and a woman shall leave her parents....."

Anyways....I get this way sometimes...stuck in MY world.
I guess my understanding of unconditional love for her....is not the same as hers....for me.

hmmm.

[Rich]

Beefy,

Your saga in this thread has given me pause for much thought. Especially the actions of your wife. She reminds me of my wife.

See, my wife is what I should be. She is unconditionally good. It's not always to her benefit - she suffers for her charity in the form of ingratitude and raised expectations on the part of those who receive her love. She also often puts herself before others. I have thought a great deal about that. Sometimes I think she needs me as much as I need her. Together, we give the world her compassion, and my sense of fairness. I will go to the ends of the earth for a friend or family member, as long as I am confident they would do the same, or if I believe they have nobody else. On the other hand, my wife never questions the need of others, she just drops what she's doing and goes. Sometimes I can temper that for her, most times I can't - nor do I try.

I guess what I mean is that when others look at us they see that I have expectations, and that results in more reciprocation for what my wife would give regardless. It works for her, because she gets more reward, and it works for me, because I give more of myself than I might otherwise.

I think it's good your wife is doing what she is doing. She needs to do it. The fact that you do not want to is fair, but should not play into what she feels the need to do.

As always, pardon my presumptiousness. I freely admit that I have no clue about all the factors playing into the actions of the people in your family.

Rich

[mrbeefy]

Rich!!!

You have it precisely correct, and if I may add, my wife has ALWAYS been this way. Probably one of the reasons I married her!

I'm always concerned about her, becuase she does have actuve Lupus, and is still recovering from Gastric Bypass Surgery 3 years ago. Stress and related BS can, and does effect her health greater than the normal person.

So I try, just like you do with your wife, to intercede as much as I can. Plus, because of her openess to help others, she often sets herself up for being taken advantage of. Which just frustrates me even more.

Thanks for commenting, and letting me know that at least I'm not alone out there!!!

Your comments are welcome anytime my friend.

Frank